夏天到了，有喜欢玩水的朋友吗？ 可以来我家免费洗碗、洗筷子、洗衣服。

Summer is coming, is there anyone who likesto play with water? You can come to my houseto wash dishes, chopsticks and clothes for free.

世界上最遥远的距离，就是我眼中的1cm和理发师眼中的1cm。

The furthest distance in the world is 1cm in my eyes and barbers' eyes.

年纪轻轻的我，事业和爱情就已经取得了平衡，都没有！

When I was young, I had achieved a balance between career and love, none of them!

每次剪头发都像一次赌博，很显然，我就没赢过。

Every time I go to the barber shop and get a haircut, it's like gamble, obviously, I've never won.

理发师总能找到方法让我丑得五花八门，剪之前想换个发型，剪之后想换张脸。

Hairdressers always find ways to make meugly. I want to change my hair before I cut it, and I want to change my face after it.

道理我都懂，可是听到别人喊美女的时候，我还是忍不住要回头。

I understand the truth, but I can't help turning back when I hear other people calling beautiful women.

现在骗子特别多，大家出门要小心了，今天街上有个人说快要热死了热死了，我跟了他三条街他都没死。

Now there are so many cheaters that weshould be careful when we go out. Today, a man in the street said that he was going to die because of the weather, but I followed him three blocks and he didn't die.

每当我准备存钱的时候，总有个声音对我说：对自己好点。

Whenever I'm ready to save money, there's always a voice saying to me: be good to yourself.

我觉得我上辈子是指南针，因为我太“难”了。

I think I was a compass in my previous existence, because I was too "difficult".